Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Everyone Keeps on Dying

August 14th, 2014

Dear Jeremiah,

9:05am: Dark, dark times.  We had a wheel break on the top of Lemmon Mountain in Tucson, Arizona. We are one has come to rescue you can see I have written this letter on a piece of leaf and have sent it via hawk, hoping by some miracle it will get to you. I will send a new leaf your way every hour to keep yee updated on our status.

10:30am: We have run out of bullets for hunting.

10:55am: Very poor health.  All our oxen have died. Tis kinda cold. To keep warm, we huddle together in our only remaining potato sack.

11:02pm: Morale very very low. I try to keep things light by hitting rocks together for music. 

12:02pm: While on a search for clean water, Mr. Seth tripped o'er the mountain and plunged to his death.

12:40pm: Miss Heather gave birth to a baby boy. I wish Mr. Seth could have seen him! They look remarkably alike! Like uncle like nephew!! That's the saying, right??!

1:50pm: Miss Heather has contracted typhoid and died.

2pm: Ms. Deenah is using her wheely leg (If you'll recall Miss Heather amputated her real leg because of dysentery) to wheel me and the baby the rest of the way through Tucson.

3:14pm: A hunter mistook Ms. Deenah  for a bison and shot her in the head.

3:15pm:  Haven't eaten in so long...bison meat...

3:16pm: I have eaten Ms. Deenah.

6pm: I carry the baby on foot the rest of the way through 10 west, towards yee ol' Los Angeles, my final destination. I have named it Seather, in honor of it's mother and uncle. Do I see signs in the distance, or does my brain trickith me? Ah my scurvy!!! I try to make them out:  In and Out Burger, 101 North, Graumans Chinese Theatre...just a few...more...miles...

Oh Jeremiah! Will Seather and I make it???!!!

Stuff to do in the car:

Right before Tucson, our car hit 100,000 miles!
Here's a video of us screaming about it!

First morning in Tucson, Arizona!
Breakfast made by the incredible Sethy and Marissa! (Pictured on the right)
Note: I am calling Seth Sethy so as not to confuse him with Mr. Seth, pictures on the left. Yes, there are two Seths in this picture.

Sethy and Marissa have three incredible dogs. From left to right: Bruce, Juno, Pipa.

 We all fell instantly in love. 

Late that day we drove up Lemmon mountain and hiked!! It was ridiculously beautiful.

Deenah and the Mountain

Sethy in the tree

Darcy on the Wall

 Mr. Seth and Deenah

Marissa and Sethy

 Then we had lunch/dinner at Boca! We ate incredible tacos and I, Miss Darcy, decided in the moment that tacos are my new favorite food.

Then we took Tequila shots.

Then we went Karaoking. Above is a moment of Miss Heather singing some Heart. Below is a moment of Mr. Seth singing Kiss by Prince. They were both quite entertaining.

The next morning we said our goodbyes to Sethy and Marissa and the dogs, and continued on our way towards LA!





Dear Jeremiah,

Well I made it. I have already found yee old day care center for Seather. I plan to leave him there A LOT while I focus on myself. I have optioned these letters I wrote to you over the last week into a feature film. Don't wanna jinx it but Daniel Day is interested in ALL THE PARTS. Anyway. I have to go now, I am about to drink my daily thimble of kombucha and probably go for a hike.

Love, Miss Darcy

Ps: here are other things we did in the car to pass the time:

Top five people you want to have coffee with
To either pick their brains or you just think they’d be a fun time

Seth Kirschner's Picks:

  Mark Twain
  Jim Henson
  George Washington
   Da Vinci
   Bill Murray

Back ups:
 Mr. Rogers 

Heather Robb's Picks:

Dixie Robb (my grandma) at 30
 Woody Guthrie
 Stephen Tobolowsky

Back ups:
  Bonnie Raitt
  J.K. Rowling

Darcy Fowler's Picks:

Alison Janney
  Nora Ephron
  Steve Martin
  Joan Cusack
  Tina Fey

Back ups:
   Stephen Spielberg
  Stephen Tobolowsky

Deenah Shutzer's Picks:
 William Shakespeare
   Tom Waits
  Virginia Woolf
  Marie Curie
   Tina Fey

Back ups:
 Edward Gorey
  Che Guevara

Top ten people who would be the most awkward to have coffee with:
(for various reasons)

    Soon-Yi Previn (woody allen’s daughter wife)
The reunited cast of Real World (1st Season)
Henry the VIII and all of his wives
Carrot Top
Charles Manson and Friends
Tonya Harding
Tom Cruise
Mel Gibson
Phil Spector

Even More Stuff to do in the car:
Read the entire plot of Joy Ride 2 on wikipedia

1 comment:

  1. Dark times indeed in the City of Angels. Did you take a lock of hair from your fallen comrades for my display case?